If you’ve seen The Wrestler, you’re probably aware that the world of professional wrestling is a wretched hive of scum and villainy.
Well, truth is always stranger than fiction, and the following five real tales of grappling depravity would make Mickey Rourke pass out in his cheerios. It’s a dirty world in the squared circle – read on and enjoy.
Bret Hart’s Pee Mouthwash
Canadian wrestling legend Stu Hart was no softie – he raised eight boys and four girls in his sprawling Calgary home and without exception, every single one of them either got into the wrestling business or married someone who did. Stu’s single-minded love of grappling often made life hard for his kids, who were raised “too poor for real pants,” according to 8th son Bret’s memoir.
Apparently, things at the Hart household were always teetering on the brink of complete anarchy, with Stu letting Terrible Ted the wrestling bear hibernate under the porch in winter and all the kids being stretched by their father in the basement dungeon. But the worst thing in the book is the tales of Bret’s older brothers Smith and Bruce, as a regular ritual, blasting hot gouts of pee into young Bret’s face in the communal showers. It burned!
Andre’s Bad News
The legendary Andre the Giant was a man with huge appetites for food, sex, and booze. He would regularly down multiple bottles of wine with dinner and feel no ill effects, but one time the good stuff got the best of him in a match with underrated grappler Bad News Allen. The pair had been working a series of matches around the horn, but Andre had started coming down with a vicious stomach virus while on tour.
A consummate professional, he continued to step into the ring and give it his all, but when it came time for Andre to deliver his trademark running butt splash in the corner, the Giant added a little accidental insult to injury. Yes, Andre’s oversized bowels let loose from the impact of the move and he released a jet of feces all over the ring. Bad News immediately made for the showers, losing the match by disqualification.
In the grand legends of truly sleazy wrestling, no company was ever as awful as Rob Black’s XPW. Black had made his fortune producing “adult entertainment” of a particularly rancid stripe, often starring his then-wife Lizzy Borden. With that money, he ran an indy promotion in the Los Angeles area that often featured adult entertainers as valets.
Well, Borden ended up getting close with XPW star Messiah, and before you know it two unidentified guys broke into Messiah’s apartment, beat him severely, smashed a fishtank over his head and cut off his thumb. Oddly enough, they didn’t steal anything, making most people in the know come to the conclusion that they were hired muscle sent by Black to pay the wrestler back for his adultery. Uh, dude, you can’t get mad when you marry a porn star and she bones other people.
Goldust’s New Rack
If you say anything about second-generation wrestler Dustin Rhodes, you should say that he’s loyal. When he signed with WWE and was given the gimmick of the ambiguously gay face-painted Goldust, most wrestlers would have balked – especially if they were the son of “The American Dream,” Dusty Rhodes. But Dustin went balls-out with the character, making Goldust one of the most memorable and effective heels of the Attitude Era.
This one goes into the seemingly endless pile of “McMahon bad ideas,” but it’s such an amazing one that we felt it deserved merit. To jazz up the Goldust character, Vince brought up the idea of Dustin going under the knife and receiving silicone breast implants to further blur the gender line. Dustin offered no protest, but it took the strong objections of a team of doctors before the WWE backed off on the idea.
Bruiser Brody Stabbing
Bruiser Brody was one of the wildest men in wrestling history, but the way he met his end was over the line, even for him. After a lifetime of wild matches all over the world, Brody travelled to Puerto Rico, home of some of the most intensely involved wrestling fans on Earth. Before a show in Bayamon, Brody was approached in the locker room by fellow wrestler Jose Huertas Gonzalez, who worked under a mask as Invader I.
Under the pretense of conducting private business, Gonzalez lured Brody into the showers, where he pulled out a concealed knife and stabbed him multiple times in the chest. Brody was rushed to the hospital but died during surgery, and through some miracle Gonzalez escaped any jail time for his cowardly assault.To add insult to injury, they had to break both of Brody’s legs to fit him into a cheap Puerto Rican casket.
Latest posts by Roger Fenimoore (see all)
- 7 Things You Didn’t Know About the Red Sox Curse - September 1, 2010
- Championship Drought: The Longest Running Curses in Sports History - December 8, 2009
- What the Turducken? A History of the Turducken - November 24, 2009