Over the last year or so an over-hyped, but rowdy, group of people have been making some headlines. They were pissed about health care reform. They were pissed about tax increases. They feared communists were now running their beloved country. And, they were irate that a black man was now President of the United States of America.
I’m speaking of the Teabaggers, or the Tea Party Movement for those with thin skin. While they’ve gotten their fair share of exposure, thanks to Fox News, the members of this so called movement are just too amusing not to mention. It’s kind of like chuckling at Corky from Life Goes On. It’s too easy, and wrong, but it’s ripe for the picking.
While I could normally tune out the Teabaggers, the announcement of a rally near my neck of the woods has made that impossible. Everyday I’m forced to look at the signs plastered in front yards and telephone poles reminding everyone when and where the rally will take place. I have a number of reasons why they’re in fact certifiably retarded.
5. Their Name
The party originally dubbed themselves “Teabaggers”. Many of us giggled. Could they really that oblivious that they didn’t know what teabagging meant? Maybe. After all, they’re old, white people.
Once they used “the Google”, they scuffed at everyone else making fun of them and switched to the Tea Party Movement.
If they had done some research on the term in the first place, they wouldn’t be in this pickle. I’m pretty sure that’s what the Cleveland Browns did when they were considering naming themselves the Cleveland Steamers.
4. Speaking of teabags…
The party claims to invoke the movement of the Boston Tea Party. However, there’s two things that they haven’t Googled on why they’re making themselves look foolish.
Number one, The Boston Tea Party protested against corporate tax cuts. Teabaggers in the 21st Century want tax cuts. When the Tea Act was passed in 1773, the uproar was that the East India Company was getting a ridiculous good deal from Britain – no duty taxes that would have naturally put the little guys out of business.
Today’s Teabaggers aren’t opposed to tax cuts for the rich, but get their panties in a bunch when tax cuts are given to those who need it. This is probably because they receive funding from companies like Koch Industries, which just so happens to be the largest private energy company in the States.
Number two, since they’re already searching for “teabaggers,” then they could have discovered that tea bags weren’t invented until 1903. So, tea bags had absolutely nothing to do with the Boston Tea Party.
3. The Signs
You’ve seen the signs for the last year, from the outrageous to the ridiculous. There’s classics like Obama as The Joker, or Hitler. Signs demanding to take the country back from those Commie bastards. And, those that inform us that we’re slaves.
Then there’s the onslaught of misspelled signs. Look, we’re human, and we all make mistakes. But, the Teabaggers have an uncanny knack for misspelling even the simplest of words, like moron and informed. If they weren’t mentally challenged, we would be a little more concerned.
2. You Won’t Like Them When They’re Angry
For all their contradictions and misspelled signs, there’s one certainty about the Teabaggers. They’re angry. We’re talking Incredible Hulk anger here. In fact, their hot tempers can only be explained by their mental instability, which some in the field want to become a real illness.
Their incoherent rants are so furious that the rest of us are left wondering what the hell they’re protesting. Like this guy.
And, these people.
Finally, let’s not forget these fine citizens.
1. Conspiracy Theories
The signs that really grind my gears are those telling Patriots to watch “documentaries” on YouTube like Invisible Empire.
The video was produced by Alex Jones, who makes Dan Brown look like a renowned, historical scholar. Invisible Empire attempts to showcase the evolution of the so-called New World Order by evil mastermind groups like the Bilderbergs, the Trilateral Commission, the Council on Foreign Relations and obviously the U.N.
In a wonderful article by Cracked, entitled 5 Pathetic Groups that People Think Rule the World, debunks all of these claims. These groups are just a conspiracy theorist’s wet dream. Besides the typical NWO nonsense, teabaggers also have their own out-of-left-field theories. Everything from Obama planning to squash their rallies to the President setting up FEMA detention centers.
While I believe that the government, and many corporations, can be sneaky, so they opt to not tell us the truth at times, Teabaggers are one screw loose away from believing David Icke.
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