First we should establish if it’s ever appropriate to lie to a woman.
Really that would depend on who you ask. If you ask a woman, they will most likely tell you that there is no appropriate time to tell a lie. They’ll tell you that relationships should be based on trust and honesty. For the most part this is true and under normal circumstances, you should never lie to a woman.
However, there are times when a woman asks questions where she’s not prepared for the answer and there are only a select few responses that are appropriate. Therefore, there are times that you are required and expected to lie, though she may not realize it.
Here are some classic examples.
Does this outfit make me look fat?/ Does this outfit look good on me?
This may be a cliché question that all men talk about, but if you’re with a woman long enough, you will probably hear this question. Of course, under all circumstances, the only correct response is “yes”.
This is the only response choice you have, even if the outfit looks – shall we say a little “small” on her and it magnifies areas of her body that you know she’d rather not accentuate.
You can even spice up your positive response by telling her that she looks stunning, but stay away from responses like, “you look so thin in those jeans that you almost disappear”. She’ll see through that kind of response and realize that you’re lying.
Remember, just because she’s searching for a compliment doesn’t mean she’s stupid.
Do you like my new hair cut/ hair style/ hair color?
Of course again the answer is a no-brainer. Even if someone butchered her hair or the color might look more appealing on a clown, the only correct response is “yes, “I love it”, or “you look beautiful”. This can be a little tricky, though so be careful to avoid statements like, “you always look beautiful to me”. Again, she’s not stupid and will see through it.
What she really wants is a compliment and not the truth. Talking badly about a woman’s hair can bring out an evil in her that you’ve never seen before and will never want to see again. When you say something negative about a woman’s hair, it’s as if you attacked her entire identity.
A lot of women would rather be known as a bitch than to be known as “the chick with the bad hair”.
Is she prettier than me?
Sometimes there’s really no safe way out of a question like this. Of course your response should be, “No. You’re much prettier”, but if the “she” in question is Pamela Anderson or someone of this stature, you’re doomed.
You can try to say she’s prettier and if (or WHEN) she doesn’t buy it, you can tell her that to you she’s prettier than all women. It’s a good attempt and you should say it, but be prepared that it won’t work.
However, if the “she” in question is a woman that just walked past you, you may be able to get away with a response such as, “who”. This will give her the implication that you didn’t see the incredibly hot woman that just walked by.
For the most part though, you must lie in this situation, but be prepared that you’re going to be in trouble.
Do you like my cooking/ baking?
If you’re lucky and her cooking is good, you won’t have to lie. However, despite the old stereotype of women spending all of their time in the kitchen, there are a lot of women that can’t cook.
If this is the case, then you should tell her that you like her cooking anyway. If you don’t, she may feel insignificant and you’ll hurt her feelings. Try to eat and hold down the food she offers you. If the food is tolerable, make her feel good by asking for “seconds” and take like a man!
If it’s impossible to eat it, then you’re probably doomed. You can tell her that you’re not hungry.
It may even work the first time, but if it works at all, it will only work once.
Am I good in bed?/ Am I the best you’ve had in bed?
The answer to this question is more than obvious. What I don’t understand is why someone would ask that question. The only appropriate response is “yes”, but why would you want to test the waters like this?
Would you ask a woman this question? Of course not, because the answer could damage your ego. You already know this about yourself. You can pretty much feel confident with responding positively to this question because women really want to believe that they’re wonderful lovers.
It’s not your place to crush that desire – especially if you ever want to sleep with her again.
Were you listening to me?
The only thing you can do in a situation (besides say a little prayer) is to counter this question with another question. You can act shocked and say, “You don’t think that I listen to you?”
Sure it may be underhanded and it may not work, but at this point, it’s all you’ve got.
After reading this, you should be completely educated on when it’s appropriate and the best ways to lie to your woman, right? Wrong! Don’t get too cocky! That’s when you’re in real trouble.
Remember that she’s a lot more complex than you are. This article is a great guide, but there are some messes that even God himself won’t be able to get you out of. The main thing to remember is that either you can deal with getting bitched at once in a while (who am I kidding – a lot) or you can go to bed alone.
It’s a trade off, so the choice is yours.
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