Health Male of the Group

Name: Woody Wheatgerm, aka Woodrow “Wheaty.” My middle name is Streptococcus, after my uncle, Kukoo Cockus, twice removed, but I don’t use it often because it makes me feel bad.

Birthday: The same day shredded wheat was invented, but I am not sure when that was.

Birthplace: The same place shredded wheat was invented, but I am not sure where that was. (I will get back to you on this, if I can find my way.)

Current Residence: I reside in a health spa near Colon City, Panama, where I brush and cleanse daily.

Ethnic Background: DNA suggests a healthy gene pool of many X and Y-chromosomes of different backgrounds. On my mother’s side, I am perhaps sentimental, and on my father’s a bit more practical. Go figure.

Description: I have a sturdy chassis and miles to go on my body engine, but then again, people often say that about cars, don’t they?

Education: I followed doctors as they entered classrooms at Harvard Medical School and listened carefully outside. I took many notes and earned a degree in Medical-Related Eavesdropping.

Favorite Places to Visit: The ICU, Emergency Ward, Nurses conference rooms, labs with petri dish activity, under No Smoking signs,

Favorite Movies: The Lightness of Being Heavy, Fatso, Part II, Dr. Kildare Runs Amuck a sequel to Dr. Kildare Comes Home, (which will do in a pinch).

Favorite Department Store: Abigail’s Hijacked Medical Supplies

Favorite Accessories: white coats, stethoscopes, empty pill bottles, old syringes and oxygen tents

Favorite Pastimes: Reading the fat content and carbohydrate count from food labels, non-smoking, spraying everything with Lysol, deciding which came fist, the chicken or the egg and reading the biography of Louis Pasteur from whence the word pastime comes, no?

Favorite Proverbs: “Physician, Forget About It” “ is my all-time favorite, but running a close second is: “The Bubonic Plague is All In Your Mind”

Plans for the Future: My plans for the future include finding a reason for it. I yearn to ruminate and pontificate whenever possible about the joys of longevity and good health. I yearn to become a role model for those in search of health-related answers and/or questions, whichever comes first.