If you haven’t heard anything about a little movie called Avatar, then you probably should return underneath your rock.
For pretty much the last year, the movie industry was talking up the James Cameron epic. People were declaring that it was going to revolutionize movies. Then, as the opening date crept closer and closer, the movie began to pick up lots of steam. Remember when the flick took over all the ads on Fox?
The hype machine was on full throttle.
When Avatar was finally released, it shattered records. Heck, it’s still shattering records. In fact, it has now taken over James Cameron’s 1997 Titanic as the top grossing movie ever in the global box office, which I’m not gonna complain about, since that movie was cheesy and over hyped.
While there’s probably no doubt that it’s a great, entertaining and wonderfully constructed flick, the phenomenon has left me dumbfounded.
For all of the praise, and money, that Avatar has accumulated, I keep asking myself if that’s a good thing. I’m actually beginning to believe that Avatar has actually ruined the world. Don’t believe me? Here are six reasons why.
6. The Spoofs
As with any movie, fad, etc., that garnishes this much attention, it’s inevitable that there will be spoofs. I’m not saying that all of the Avatar spoofs are bad, the point is that we’re going to get bombarded with them. South Park, Conan O’ Brien, and Attack of the Show hottie Oliva Munn have produced a few of the major spoofs.
But, just like Star Wars, that’s not the end, only the beginning.
Hustler is planning a porn spoof. Then, there’s the variations thrown up on Youtube. Rolling Stone recently put up rock stars in Na’vi form. And, you can bet that every geek and unemployed tool with too much time on their hands will be adding their entries as well.
Get ready to brace yourself for an Avatar overdose as the year unfolds.
5. Pointless Controversies
As with any over hyped event, there will come the endless, and pointless, parade of controversies.
Since Avatar toppled a film about Confucius, which starred Chow Yun Fat, in China there’s been some friction between the gov and cinemas. Confucius was intended to be the biggest movie ever in China, until Avatar arrived. It’s so bad, that the government is ordering Chinese cinemas to scale back screenings of Avatar, but are having no such luck. Avatar has racked in over $80 million in China alone thus far.
So, a movie about blue aliens is more popular in China than their landmark philosopher. OK, maybe it’s just because the movie adaptation of Confucius wasn’t that good. But, things could get ugly with the government stepping in, since Confucius was financially backed by the government. Are the Chinese people and their government going to clash over a sci-fi movie? I guess we’ll have to wait and see.
Speaking of silly controversies, the Vatican has criticized the movie because it toys with the idea of nature replacing religion. I’m sure that the Vatican could be doing something else, like you know helping people in need, instead of complaining about a movie.
Finally, some people are unbelievably complaining that Cameron is actually pushing pagan beliefs onto fans. Then, you have the other nuts that are pissed off at how “left” Avatar is, like being anti-military, anti-corporation and pro-Earth.
4. It Validates 3D
It seems that the movie studios have been salivating at the mouth when it comes to 3D movies.
In 2009, there were twelve major motion pictures in 3D. And trust me, even before the success of Avatar, studios were eying up more future releases.
But, after Avatar’s success, we’re going to be saturated in 3D flicks for the next couple of years. While movies like Alice in Wonderland could be worth the price of a 3D ticket, the studios are going to go overboard. Sure kids flicks will be at the top of the list, but there’s also going to be utter wastes of time like Step Up 3D.
3. A Mountain Has Been Renamed After Avatar
The Chinese people are digging Avatar so much, that they’ve renamed a mountain in honor of it.
In central China, in the city of Zhangjiajie, officials have replaced the mountain’s name from “Heaven and Earth Pillar” to “Avatar Hallelujah Mountain”. Locals believe that the mountain inspired the floating mountain in Avatar’s fictional world Pandora.
2. Art Becomes Reality
This has been a longstanding cliche. A movie creates some unthinkable technology, and of course, we actually have to top it.
The Pentagon’s research branch Darpa could be working on 3D surveillance. In a nutshell, this would generate a 3D model of a battlefield. Instead of sending in real soldiers to scout out an area, the model would be employed, which would have to mean it would keep troops safe.
I’ve got nothing against protecting our troops, and making life easier for them, but how far are they going to go with this, but how far will the military/government take this?. Will we even need soldiers anymore? Will robots replace humans as troops, then workers,etc.? Will those robots take over the Earth?
I’m starting to see a pattern here. I think James Cameron is really trying to destroy this planet.
1. Post Avatar Depression
Finally, there’s the ridiculous aftermath of the uber-successful movie.
Fans are claiming that they are suffering from “Post Avatar Depression”.
What would cause such a symptom? Did the movie fall short of expectations?
Instead, people are crying because after watching the movie, they’ve realized that reality will never match the beauty of Pandora.
I shit you not.
Here’s an example someone left on an Avatar Forum:
“Ever since I went to see ‘Avatar’ I have been depressed. Watching the wonderful world of Pandora and all the Na’vi made me want to be one of them. I can’t stop thinking about all the things that happened in the film and all of the tears and shivers I got from it,” our loser friend posted from his mom’s basement. “I even contemplate suicide thinking that if I do it I will be rebirthed in a world similar to Pandora and the everything is the same as in ‘Avatar’.
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